I haven't gone grocery shopping in weeks because wegmans feels like a couples only club. I have no one to cook for so who fucking cares?
I realized today while i was at the gym that i am a 25 year old weirdo with absolutely no prospects. Life, friends, partners or otherwise.
I want to start an "it does not get better" project. It hasn't. It is harder. I am juggling a dozen things, none of which i care about. But if i drop them, then what? There is no one here with me to share the load.
I was falling in love with someone only to find that he did not feel the same way. But i am expected to be okay with that. I am supposed to still be his friend.
Fuck my fuck.

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What do you do when your persona takes over your personality?

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I was just reading this article on juice "cleanses" and the woman writing it admitted that it did nothing and was probably terrible but that it made her feel incredible and that she would probably do it again.
She described a sense of euphoria at overcoming sensuality.
I find this strange and interesting on several levels.
As a hedonist on a diet, i understand this in a very intimate way.
I keep the Kate Moss quote "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" at the forefront of my mind because that is the only way I can convince myself to continue.
The only way to over come the sensuality of eating... Of flavor and savoriness is to understand the intrinsic sensuality of feeling sexy.
This is what struck me about this woman's report. Is withholding truly denying oneself sensuality? Can the denial (and also in many cases the end result) not be in and of itself a sensual act?

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What the fuck kind of life do you have to lead to not have a single person who could just give you a hug when you need one?
All i want in the world right now is for someone to hold me by the shoulders and tell me that i am not, in fact, flying apart.

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